Narcotics Vs. You do you really need the drugs!

Almost 12 yrs. ago I made a major decision in my life to go to a Pain Management Dr. I spent almost 2 hrs.’ with him, letting him know my fears of taking Narcotics, The fact that I am a recovered Alcoholic. Plus 8 back surgeries, Severe burns on both my lower legs, Scared to death of addiction, Restrictive Lung Disease, just to name a couple. He explains if we find the right drugs for me, I took them the way I am supposed to take them, my life would change dramatically for the better! Now, remember I was told by 3 Dr’s to do this almost 10 Yrs. before I decided to do it. Well, I was so miserable the Pain, Depression and what seemed to be a million other things going wrong with me? Plus I am getting tired of dealing with the pain in my head all the time. So I said the hell with it and decided to do it. Even the Dr said what do you have to lose? So after months of hit and miss with the drugs, we both found a place where the drugs seemed to work? This is what I started taking: Fentanyl patches 25 mg, Oxycodone – 10-325 MG, Cymbalta 30mg, Gabapentin 600 Mg, Gabapentin 300 Mg! The pharmacist told me, I was taking enough to knock out a football team! Literally. Those were the main drugs plus drugs for high blood pressure, Hypertension. Urinary Problems, Depression just to name a few? So now all of a sudden I am a walking drug store. Before that the only thing I took was aspirin. It took a couple of months to figure out a good system on how to take all these damn drugs correctly. Now from that point on the drugs really did start to work. I was able to get up in the morning, more importantly, function all day! Well, it worked! As years went on I help raise my family, I started my own computer business, I really did feel like I was contributing to my family and Society! More importantly NO ALCOHOL! I am very proud to say I am almost 17 Yrs. sober! So fast forward 10 yrs and I get Restrictive Lung Disease, I was told my second visit to National Jewish Hospital that my lungs were healthy but my skeletal and spinal columns are collapsing onto my lungs thus not allowing them to completely exhale or inhale. He then predicted I had maybe 2 yrs. before I am on a ventilator? Well needless to say that knocked the shit out me, Depression really became a problem I could no longer control. Fast forward 4 yrs., First off I am not on a respirator! Thanks, Dr. However my breathing is a lot worse I am now at or around 50% lung capacity I started around 78%. I am now on a Bi Pap instead of C-Pap to regulate my breathing at night because I quit breathing at night. My Mom gets very ill, my sister gets a very aggressive mouth cancer and dies a yr. later in my arms. Meanwhile, my poor mother has Guillen Bar syndrome loss of her legs, hands part of her arms. She is hospitalized several times in the next 4 Yrs. Plus heart attack. Plus my brother, best friend Ronnie dies; I also will lose 5 very close friends plus Ronnie’s brother during this time also. So now here I am really depressed because it’s all on me to take care of Mom and of course Cathy when she was alive. (It was my honor to do it too! No complaining there.) I had just gotten over taking care of Ronnie’s Mom and Dad both were in the hospital at the same time, so I was taking care of them, the dog and the house., Plus my Sister Debbie helping me as much as she could, she just took a huge promotion with the Colo. Highway Patrol but she had to move to Craig Co. Mom and I would not let her quit either. So it was tough on all of us. So fast forward to the present, I have been on all of these Narcotics plus more I have not mention, just the Narcotics. Meanwhile, there is a horrific drug problem with of course Fentanyl and Oxy being misused by Drs, Patients, and drug companies. Plus you have all the illegal drugs coming across the border and killing our kids. So what does the Government do? They crack down hard on the Drs about the two drugs I depended on the most! I never misused them, I took them exactly like I was supposed too. I have done that for all the years I was on the drugs. Plus I was almost on the same dosage 12 yrs. later! Thank You AA for that one. So now I am forced to go off of Fentanyl first, now I have been on it for 12 yrs. now? It really helped mask the pain, it’s always with me but it did make it better. Well needless to say withdraws from that alone was devastating to me. Opioid withdrawal produces both physical side effects that may mimic the flu and psychological symptoms, during two distinct phases, known as early and late withdrawal. Early on during opioid withdrawal, muscle aches, tearing, runny nose, yawning, insomnia, agitation, anxiety, and sweating are common, according to The New York Times. Later on, nausea and vomiting, chills or goose bumps, diarrhea, abdominal cramps, and dilated pupils occur during late withdrawal. I can honestly say I had each and every one of these symptoms, not fun then and not fucking fun now! So I no sooner get off the Fentanyl and guess what? Now they want me off of OXY! Or to cut it way way down. Well, I can see where that is leading me, so now here I am trying to get off of Oxy, Well what I have come to realize is depend on no one but yourself? Time to take yourself off of all the Narcotics or anything else to do with pain! The biggest reason I am even writing this very personal kind of memoir to warn people about the drug situation period. If I would have known what I would have to go through yrs later, what I have had to and am presently going through I would have never have done it. I consider it to be a terrible decision on my part, if I had it to do again I probably would not. Drugs can work, if you do it correctly, the problem is society, and I cannot fight that too. Right now I am so angry I cannot stand myself, just look at my post or talk to my Mom. I have no control over it, I have no memory at all short term is pretty much gone, which makes my depression even worse because it drives me crazy that I cannot remember. Let see I have slept a whopping maybe 8 hrs. in the last week, I have headaches, my pain level is so far off the charts I am just a hurt dumbass zombie anymore! SO PLEASE REALLY THINK! BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO DO WHAT I DID! I MEAN DO YOU REALLY NEED THOSE DRUGS? They steal your soul, your pocket book, makes you dependent on them. Destroys your mind. Then when it’s time to say goodbye they attack you unmercifully! The bottom line is all my life I have always depended on myself when it came to pain, work or just life in general. I have had the BEST friends a man can ask for! Last but not least my family, My two wonderful loving kids that are a part of me, that I am so proud of! My very loving mother who has gone through more than her share of problems! The point is we all have them, it’s how you as an individual handles it, and the drugs took all that away from me, now I am desperately trying to find it again. So please if you are where I was 12 yrs. ago, Really Really think about going the drug route or just depending on yourself and God for lots of inner strength. That’s the other thing, I am not a holy roily by any means, however, I believe in God and in prayers, I cannot live without that. The drugs took some of that away also! Learn from my mistakes don’t make your own.